DeliaTS~The Blog

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I’ve finally posted my first set of pictures with the new boobs!

The scars are healing very nicely though and once my boobs fully drop they would be pretty unnoticeable. They’re starting to feel really wonderful and I’m glad that I went with silicone. They are really starting to soften up and my nipples are still pretty sensitive.

One of the things that I haven’t been doing much of the past few years is private shows on my web cam.  It’s one of those things that I really enjoyed doing when I was drinking a lot and had a hard time adjusting to and picking back up when I got sober.  I think I just felt a lot less inhibited and more flirty with a few drinks in me and it really did make the time go by a lot quicker.  I would sometimes be logged in for 8-10 hours at the time.  It didn’t really matter to me if I wasn’t making much money I would stay up until the wee hours drinking, listening to music, chatting with anyone and acting all kinds of silly.  I’m sure people on the voyeur cams enjoyed it.  I mean who doesn’t like a good train wreck.

And that’s how many nights ended up.  There were times that I was literally passing out on cam.  Sometimes I would lose my balance on the chair while performing and come crashing down onto the floor.  Trixie would have to basically drag me away from the computer to come to bed.  As my drinking progressed those nights would usually end in a big fight between Trixie and I and one or both of us in tears.  So yeah . . . I had a few good memories of  those days and a lot of not so good ones too.

When I tried doing cam shows right after I got sober it was pretty tough.  I got bored really easily and more annoyed at all the people in the free chat room.   It made me really miss the booze which made it a bit of threat to my new found sobriety.  So I haven’t done much 1-on-1 camming  for quite a while.

A few weeks ago I  started doing private cam shows once again .  I was actually having fun and the people in the free chat were fine (well there’s always a few asshats in the crowd).  I’ve definitely gotten back into a groove with it and hope to be doing private shows on a regular basisis a few days per week.  So if you have been wanting to get some special 1-on-1 time with me you can sign up here and drop me an email to let me know

(Note/Disclaimer: If you sign up using my profile page I will actually get a larger percent of any money you happen to spend on me AND get a small percent of any money you might spend on other cam models.)

Well it’s already been over a week since I had my operation and I’m  just starting to feel like I have some of my energy back. The surgery itself went really well. Everyone on the staff at the hospital were super friendly and helpful and they all had great things to say about my surgeon which was comforting.

After going to my pre-op appointment the day before surgery and trying on the implants one more time for size and balance, I decided to go with two of the same size (650cc) silicone implants. It kind of came down to the right looking bigger then the left (which it already does) or the left looking bigger than the right. Upon a second look, having the same size implant seemed to look slightly closer. So my right will still look  a little bigger.  That’s one of the disadvantages of silicone, they are pre-filled so they can’t make the smaller adjustments in size that they can with saline, which are filled once they are in.  I’m okay with a little asymmetry.  Most women don’t have perfectly symmetrical boobs anyway.  So they’ll actually be a little closer to how they would look if I did have naturally big boobs.

The morning of the surgery got off to a little shaky start. Trixie and I caught a cab from our hotel to the hospital at 6:00 in the morning. Our poor cab driver had just started his shift and was looking as sleepy as we were. He didn’t speak English very well and had no idea where the hospital was. Luckily we had directions with us but most of the way there we were still wondering if he was taking us 90 mph in the right direction or not.

Once we got there everything went pretty smooth. Before I knew it they had me hooked up to an IV and were wheeling me into the operating room.

I remember looking up to see the lights above me and seeing the surgeon and staff come in, then I was out. I did wake up briefly during the surgery and I could feel them working on my right breast. I remember not wanting to say anything because I didn’t want to startle whoever was working on me. I think I may have mumbled something like “owww . . . that’s starting to hurt.” Then the lights went out again. The next thing I remember was coming to in the recovery room and seeing Trixie come in to take me back to the hotel. They made me get up and walk to the wall and back (which was much more challenging than I thought it would be) to make sure I was somewhat coherent before wheeling me out to the taxi.

Apparently the ride back to the hotel was really stressful for Trixie. I honestly don’t remember much of it. Here’s a picture I took on my snapped in bathroom a few hours after getting back to the hotel trying to look sexy but still a little loopy from the anesthesia. They were still really swollen and marked up from the surgery:

For the next few days I pretty much laid in bed popping pain pills & eating whatever food Trixie would graciously bring me.  As she noted in her blog I’m really not that good at asking for help and usually don’t complain about much even when I probably should.  I guess it’s something that’s been ingrained in me for a long time.  I’ve always been really independent, at times to my own detriment,  but I really don’t feel like delving too deep into that messy bog right now.

Overall the first few days post op were pretty uneventful.  It did kind of suck having to sleep all propped up and not being able to pick something up when I wanted to (I’m still not supposed to lift anymore than a few pounds for at least another week).   Not being able to put my hair up when it was in my face wasn’t very fun either.  But having Trixie there to help out was extremely helpful even if I didn’t utilize her as much as I could/should have.  It was such a comfort having her with me throughout it all.   It would have really sucked trying to do all that on my own.

Other things I found hard or painful to do included laughing, coughing and at times breathing.  My chest felt really tight and heavy.  Maybe having 1300 cc’s (3 lbs) of silicone stuffed under my chest muscles had something to do with it . . . hmmmm.

My boobs are still really high, tight and  a little freaky looking.   I’ve begun messaging though them which is loosening them up a bit.  And they’re already starting to drop.   I’m told it takes about 4 to 6 weeks for them to drop start looking normal and about 6 months for them to actually start looking good.  I was a little leery about doing cam shows on Sunday and Monday but I was actually pleased with how the new boobs looked on cam.

I still have some bruising underneath and the incisions are just starting to heal so I just left the bra on during the show and just pulled down the front a bit to show off my oh so sensitive nipples.

Lately I’ve been getting what are known as “zingers” in my left boob.  It basically feels like someone is taking a long hot skewer and poking it into your nipple until it hits your ribs.  So, yeah not much fun.  It’s just the nerves regenerating but I’m not sure why it’s really only on the left side.  The left is dropping faster than the right though.   That might have something to do with it.  So maybe I have more zingers to look forward to later in the right breast.

So that’s a very condensed version of how my last week or so is going.  I’m on the mend and already excited and anxiously plotting some new shoots.  I know Trixie is anxious to take the new boobs for a test drive as well.  In the meantime though I guess I’ll just have to take it easy.

I’m feeling a little crazed at the moment.   I’m just thinking about packing for our trip.  I should have plenty of content to cover my post op down time and if I’m lucky I’ll be able to do a shoot or two showing off the new boobs before I burn through it all, because I know you all will be anxious to see them  

I had a really weird coincidence happen to me yesterday.  I’ve been sort of reconnecting with the only friend that I ever managed to stay in contact with from my home town.  We were pretty tight growing up and had many a crazy time together.  I never really knew how to tell him about my gender issues and when I started transitioning I sort of dropped off the radar for a bit.

So we’ve been exchanging emails and I did come out to him which was a little shaky at first but he seems to be getting used to and accepting the idea of me being trans.  I told him about having breast augmentation in San Fransisco this week and it turns out he is going to be there on a business trip at the same time.  So we decided to try to get together before my surgery and do dinner or something.  I figure I’m already anxious and nervous enough about the surgery, what’s a little more anxiety piled on top.

I’ve been looking at my hormone titties a lot lately and ya know, I have to admit I’m going to miss them a little.  Maybe those feeling will change once the new ones are installed, I don’t know.  I actually think I had a second little growth spurt over the last couple of weeks.  It’s almost like they were trying to say “see, see we can do big too just give us another chance”.  The nice thing about having my site for all these years is that I have plenty of pictures and videos to reminisce with. I’m going to have to try on the new size again during my pre op appointment just to make sure they still look right (which I think they have you do anyway). I can’t believe that it all happening in just a few days!

Thanks again to everyone who contributed in one way or another to make it all possible. And as always a big thanks to Sweet T!!! Wish me luck!

Our living room has been transformed into a headless  mannequin  wonderland with more bright colors than a gay pride parade (well almost).

It’s been kind of fun (and a little surreal) to wake up to this little set in the morning.  When the sun shines through from the window behind the pink curtain it illuminates the whole room  with a rosy glow.   But there are a few minor inconveniences like not being able to use the front door and not being able to get into the coat closet because the couch is jammed up in front of it.  But it’s only temporary so it’s kind of worth it.

Full set available in my Members Area 3/12 – JOIN NOW for full access!

We’ve been busy building up some content so there won’t be any interruptions in my weekly updates while I’m having my surgery and healing.  Plus I need to shoot in a few things that aren’t going to fit after getting my boobs.  So far we’ve gotten some really cool and unique sets in.  I think this “I Recycle Boys” set is going to be a classic.  I hope we’ll have enough time to shoot a fun little role play I had in mind as well, we’ll see.

The anticipation of getting boobs is really starting to amp up in me.  I don’t feel like I’ve been this excited about something since looking forward to Christmas as a kid!  It’s going to be so weird waking up after surgery with two big swollen mounds on my chest.  Of course I’m pretty nervous about it as well and feel really fortunate to have Trixie there to hold my hand through the whole thing and to help me out afterward.

Well it’s been a little while since my last blog post.  It’s been a busy few weeks.   During the second week of May I was down in San Fransisco to get consultations from a few plastic surgeons in the area.  It was my first time to the area so it was actually kind of fun to see a bit of the city and we were also able to get a few shoots in while we were there.

The consultations went really well.  It was nice to hear a few different views and opinions and was also interesting to see different methods for sizing and such.  One doctor had me trying the implants on in a bra while another had me in a funny looking leotard.

After playing around with the implants a bit I decided to go with silicone.  They just felt a little nicer to me and generally aren’t as prone to fold or ripple.  I have to say that it felt pretty awesome to feel them jiggling around when I walked around the room.  And I know I said I was thinking in the full C cup range, but after trying on a few different shapes and sizes, a D cup just seemed to be the best fit.

They’re going to be close to the size pictured but the ones that I finally decided on look even better.  They are a little bigger but mostly in width.   I’m actually a little bigger on one side than the other, which we discovered during one of the consultations, so I’ll be pumped up a little more on one side than the other to make up for the asymmetry.

After trying  on a bunch of different boobs the procedure we finally settled on is a bilateral breast augmentation with smooth, round silicone gel implants filled to 600 cc (right) and 650 (left),  moderate plus profile, under the muscle with a infra-mammary (crease) incision.   I had originally thought about having the incision in the armpit, but with silicone implants they go in filled (unlike saline which go in empty and are filled after insertion) so the armpit incision wasn’t an option and given the size of the implant and my rather small areolas that incision point was out as well.

One sort of funny highlight of the consultation trip came when I was being briefed on all the things I would need to do to prepare for surgery by the patient coordinator, a rather thin, tall outwardly gay man.  He was talking about things I need to do two weeks prior to surgery like stop taking any blood thinning medications (i.e. aspirin, ibuprofen), stop smoking (no problem here), buying a special bra, making the final payment (thanks Sweet T!) and that I would need a have a mammogram done which is now required by law in the state of California.  If the doctor didn’t have the radiology report by the day of the surgery he wouldn’t be able to perform it.  So I was a little bummed that it would be one more hoop that I would have to jump through that could push back my surgery date and add more to the expense.  But he was really adamant about having it done and went on explaining what to tell them to get me in as early as possible and how to get a copy of the radiology report.

He continued going through the rest of the list of things I need to do one week prior to surgery, the day before surgery and the morning of the surgery and sent us on our way with a little packet of information and the surgeon’s estimate.  So as Trixie and I left the office and were heading to the elevator we started  wondering why the other surgeon hadn’t mentioned the whole mammogram thing when suddenly we hear the patient coordinator calling out to us from down the hall.  He said he was really sorry but needed us to come back into the office for a minute.  He brought us into one of the exam rooms told as that he had made an embarrassing mistake.  After going over my paper work while we were walking out he noticed that I am on spironolactone and then light bulb went on.  He didn’t realize that I am trans and therefor wouldn’t need to get a mammogram.  WIN!  I thought that was  a pretty huge compliment on my “passability” given it came from an openly gay man living in San Fransisco who works in the office of a plastic surgeon who has done work on many transsexuals.  That kind of had me walking on air a bit for the rest of the day.

Around November of 2009 I started to notice some pain in my penis when Trixie and I were having sex.  At first it seemed really intense and was especially painful when we would get into Trixie’s favorite position.   Initially I thought it was related to the hormones but I started inspecting and feeling around to see anything else was out of the ordinary.  All I found was a small bump at the base of my shaft that was about the size of a lentil.  I asked my doctor about it when I saw her in December and she didn’t know what it was and had never had any of her other patients on HRT complain about anything similar.  So she referred me to a urologist.

Since we don’t have insurance and have been really tight with money lately I decided to wait to see if there were any changes before going to a specialist.  Well, the pain began to lessen and the lump wasn’t getting any bigger and eventually it disappeared.  Then a few more lumps showed up which was kind of freaky but since the first one had disappeared I figured these might too.

A few weeks ago I noticed that one of them was starting to harden which really began to worry me so I did call the urologist and set up an appointment.  I had searched around the internet and hadn’t found anything that really fit the description of what was going on with my penis.  From all that I read though it didn’t sound like cancer.  But still, I was pretty concerned.

The night before my appointment Trixie and I were having sex (which we hadn’t had in quite awhile) and we were looking at my cock afterward and noticed a few little changes.  It did seem slightly smaller and the head seemed to pointing a little more downward than usual.  I think we both were attributing that to the hormones.  The next day we found out what the real culprit was.

After a rather uncomfortable waiting room experience involving a middle aged man in a wheelchair blatantly staring at us for like 5 minutes from about 4 feet away (Trixie thought he was staring at her while I thought he was staring at me, very unsettling) we got in to see the urologist.  She had me strip down and felt me up for a little bit.  Then told me that it was Peyronie’s disease and the hardening was scar tissue that had developed.  Apparently it can cause some pretty severe bends in the penis.  I’ve always had a bit of curve to the left so I think that made the added curving a little less noticeable.  There’s really little that can be done.  There is some anecdotal evidence that taking vitamin E helps.  The are also a few surgical options for more severe cases but nothing I would consider at this point.

Trixie discovered a traction device that basically stretches you penis out while keeping it straight.  I think I might try a penis pump.  If nothing else it will be good for a shoot.

I know these past 2 entries have not been the most uplifting or sexy – death and disease – hopefully things will be back on track soon and I’ll get back to some more sexier pornier entries . . . knock on wood.