The scars are healing very nicely though and once my boobs fully drop they would be pretty unnoticeable. They’re starting to feel really wonderful and I’m glad that I went with silicone. They are really starting to soften up and my nipples are still pretty sensitive.

One of the things that I haven’t been doing much of the past few years is private shows on my web cam.  It’s one of those things that I really enjoyed doing when I was drinking a lot and had a hard time adjusting to and picking back up when I got sober.  I think I just felt a lot less inhibited and more flirty with a few drinks in me and it really did make the time go by a lot quicker.  I would sometimes be logged in for 8-10 hours at the time.  It didn’t really matter to me if I wasn’t making much money I would stay up until the wee hours drinking, listening to music, chatting with anyone and acting all kinds of silly.  I’m sure people on the voyeur cams enjoyed it.  I mean who doesn’t like a good train wreck.

And that’s how many nights ended up.  There were times that I was literally passing out on cam.  Sometimes I would lose my balance on the chair while performing and come crashing down onto the floor.  Trixie would have to basically drag me away from the computer to come to bed.  As my drinking progressed those nights would usually end in a big fight between Trixie and I and one or both of us in tears.  So yeah . . . I had a few good memories of  those days and a lot of not so good ones too.

When I tried doing cam shows right after I got sober it was pretty tough.  I got bored really easily and more annoyed at all the people in the free chat room.   It made me really miss the booze which made it a bit of threat to my new found sobriety.  So I haven’t done much 1-on-1 camming  for quite a while.

A few weeks ago I  started doing private cam shows once again .  I was actually having fun and the people in the free chat were fine (well there’s always a few asshats in the crowd).  I’ve definitely gotten back into a groove with it and hope to be doing private shows on a regular basisis a few days per week.  So if you have been wanting to get some special 1-on-1 time with me you can sign up here and drop me an email to let me know

(Note/Disclaimer: If you sign up using my profile page I will actually get a larger percent of any money you happen to spend on me AND get a small percent of any money you might spend on other cam models.)

After going to my pre-op appointment the day before surgery and trying on the implants one more time for size and balance, I decided to go with two of the same size (650cc) silicone implants. It kind of came down to the right looking bigger then the left (which it already does) or the left looking bigger than the right. Upon a second look, having the same size implant seemed to look slightly closer. So my right will still look  a little bigger.  That’s one of the disadvantages of silicone, they are pre-filled so they can’t make the smaller adjustments in size that they can with saline, which are filled once they are in.  I’m okay with a little asymmetry.  Most women don’t have perfectly symmetrical boobs anyway.  So they’ll actually be a little closer to how they would look if I did have naturally big boobs.

The morning of the surgery got off to a little shaky start. Trixie and I caught a cab from our hotel to the hospital at 6:00 in the morning. Our poor cab driver had just started his shift and was looking as sleepy as we were. He didn’t speak English very well and had no idea where the hospital was. Luckily we had directions with us but most of the way there we were still wondering if he was taking us 90 mph in the right direction or not.

Once we got there everything went pretty smooth. Before I knew it they had me hooked up to an IV and were wheeling me into the operating room.

I remember looking up to see the lights above me and seeing the surgeon and staff come in, then I was out. I did wake up briefly during the surgery and I could feel them working on my right breast. I remember not wanting to say anything because I didn’t want to startle whoever was working on me. I think I may have mumbled something like “owww . . . that’s starting to hurt.” Then the lights went out again. The next thing I remember was coming to in the recovery room and seeing Trixie come in to take me back to the hotel. They made me get up and walk to the wall and back (which was much more challenging than I thought it would be) to make sure I was somewhat coherent before wheeling me out to the taxi.

Apparently the ride back to the hotel was really stressful for Trixie. I honestly don’t remember much of it. Here’s a picture I took on my snapped in bathroom a few hours after getting back to the hotel trying to look sexy but still a little loopy from the anesthesia. They were still really swollen and marked up from the surgery:

For the next few days I pretty much laid in bed popping pain pills & eating whatever food Trixie would graciously bring me.  As she noted in her blog I’m really not that good at asking for help and usually don’t complain about much even when I probably should.  I guess it’s something that’s been ingrained in me for a long time.  I’ve always been really independent, at times to my own detriment,  but I really don’t feel like delving too deep into that messy bog right now.

Overall the first few days post op were pretty uneventful.  It did kind of suck having to sleep all propped up and not being able to pick something up when I wanted to (I’m still not supposed to lift anymore than a few pounds for at least another week).   Not being able to put my hair up when it was in my face wasn’t very fun either.  But having Trixie there to help out was extremely helpful even if I didn’t utilize her as much as I could/should have.  It was such a comfort having her with me throughout it all.   It would have really sucked trying to do all that on my own.

Other things I found hard or painful to do included laughing, coughing and at times breathing.  My chest felt really tight and heavy.  Maybe having 1300 cc’s (3 lbs) of silicone stuffed under my chest muscles had something to do with it . . . hmmmm.

My boobs are still really high, tight and  a little freaky looking.   I’ve begun messaging though them which is loosening them up a bit.  And they’re already starting to drop.   I’m told it takes about 4 to 6 weeks for them to drop start looking normal and about 6 months for them to actually start looking good.  I was a little leery about doing cam shows on Sunday and Monday but I was actually pleased with how the new boobs looked on cam.

I still have some bruising underneath and the incisions are just starting to heal so I just left the bra on during the show and just pulled down the front a bit to show off my oh so sensitive nipples.

Lately I’ve been getting what are known as “zingers” in my left boob.  It basically feels like someone is taking a long hot skewer and poking it into your nipple until it hits your ribs.  So, yeah not much fun.  It’s just the nerves regenerating but I’m not sure why it’s really only on the left side.  The left is dropping faster than the right though.   That might have something to do with it.  So maybe I have more zingers to look forward to later in the right breast.

So that’s a very condensed version of how my last week or so is going.  I’m on the mend and already excited and anxiously plotting some new shoots.  I know Trixie is anxious to take the new boobs for a test drive as well.  In the meantime though I guess I’ll just have to take it easy.

]]> http://deliats.com/blog/?feed=rss2&p=571 2 http://deliats.com/blog/?p=567 http://deliats.com/blog/?p=567#comments Wed, 16 Jun 2010 02:13:00 +0000 Delia http://deliats.com/blog/?p=567 I’m feeling a little crazed at the moment.   I’m just thinking about packing for our trip.  I should have plenty of content to cover my post op down time and if I’m lucky I’ll be able to do a shoot or two showing off the new boobs before I burn through it all, because I know you all will be anxious to see them  

I had a really weird coincidence happen to me yesterday.  I’ve been sort of reconnecting with the only friend that I ever managed to stay in contact with from my home town.  We were pretty tight growing up and had many a crazy time together.  I never really knew how to tell him about my gender issues and when I started transitioning I sort of dropped off the radar for a bit.

So we’ve been exchanging emails and I did come out to him which was a little shaky at first but he seems to be getting used to and accepting the idea of me being trans.  I told him about having breast augmentation in San Fransisco this week and it turns out he is going to be there on a business trip at the same time.  So we decided to try to get together before my surgery and do dinner or something.  I figure I’m already anxious and nervous enough about the surgery, what’s a little more anxiety piled on top.

I’ve been looking at my hormone titties a lot lately and ya know, I have to admit I’m going to miss them a little.  Maybe those feeling will change once the new ones are installed, I don’t know.  I actually think I had a second little growth spurt over the last couple of weeks.  It’s almost like they were trying to say “see, see we can do big too just give us another chance”.  The nice thing about having my site for all these years is that I have plenty of pictures and videos to reminisce with. I’m going to have to try on the new size again during my pre op appointment just to make sure they still look right (which I think they have you do anyway). I can’t believe that it all happening in just a few days!

Thanks again to everyone who contributed in one way or another to make it all possible. And as always a big thanks to Sweet T!!! Wish me luck!

It’s been kind of fun (and a little surreal) to wake up to this little set in the morning.  When the sun shines through from the window behind the pink curtain it illuminates the whole room  with a rosy glow.   But there are a few minor inconveniences like not being able to use the front door and not being able to get into the coat closet because the couch is jammed up in front of it.  But it’s only temporary so it’s kind of worth it.

Full set available in my Members Area 3/12 – JOIN NOW for full access!

We’ve been busy building up some content so there won’t be any interruptions in my weekly updates while I’m having my surgery and healing.  Plus I need to shoot in a few things that aren’t going to fit after getting my boobs.  So far we’ve gotten some really cool and unique sets in.  I think this “I Recycle Boys” set is going to be a classic.  I hope we’ll have enough time to shoot a fun little role play I had in mind as well, we’ll see.

The anticipation of getting boobs is really starting to amp up in me.  I don’t feel like I’ve been this excited about something since looking forward to Christmas as a kid!  It’s going to be so weird waking up after surgery with two big swollen mounds on my chest.  Of course I’m pretty nervous about it as well and feel really fortunate to have Trixie there to hold my hand through the whole thing and to help me out afterward.

The consultations went really well.  It was nice to hear a few different views and opinions and was also interesting to see different methods for sizing and such.  One doctor had me trying the implants on in a bra while another had me in a funny looking leotard.

After playing around with the implants a bit I decided to go with silicone.  They just felt a little nicer to me and generally aren’t as prone to fold or ripple.  I have to say that it felt pretty awesome to feel them jiggling around when I walked around the room.  And I know I said I was thinking in the full C cup range, but after trying on a few different shapes and sizes, a D cup just seemed to be the best fit.

They’re going to be close to the size pictured but the ones that I finally decided on look even better.  They are a little bigger but mostly in width.   I’m actually a little bigger on one side than the other, which we discovered during one of the consultations, so I’ll be pumped up a little more on one side than the other to make up for the asymmetry.

After trying  on a bunch of different boobs the procedure we finally settled on is a bilateral breast augmentation with smooth, round silicone gel implants filled to 600 cc (right) and 650 (left),  moderate plus profile, under the muscle with a infra-mammary (crease) incision.   I had originally thought about having the incision in the armpit, but with silicone implants they go in filled (unlike saline which go in empty and are filled after insertion) so the armpit incision wasn’t an option and given the size of the implant and my rather small areolas that incision point was out as well.

One sort of funny highlight of the consultation trip came when I was being briefed on all the things I would need to do to prepare for surgery by the patient coordinator, a rather thin, tall outwardly gay man.  He was talking about things I need to do two weeks prior to surgery like stop taking any blood thinning medications (i.e. aspirin, ibuprofen), stop smoking (no problem here), buying a special bra, making the final payment (thanks Sweet T!) and that I would need a have a mammogram done which is now required by law in the state of California.  If the doctor didn’t have the radiology report by the day of the surgery he wouldn’t be able to perform it.  So I was a little bummed that it would be one more hoop that I would have to jump through that could push back my surgery date and add more to the expense.  But he was really adamant about having it done and went on explaining what to tell them to get me in as early as possible and how to get a copy of the radiology report.

He continued going through the rest of the list of things I need to do one week prior to surgery, the day before surgery and the morning of the surgery and sent us on our way with a little packet of information and the surgeon’s estimate.  So as Trixie and I left the office and were heading to the elevator we started  wondering why the other surgeon hadn’t mentioned the whole mammogram thing when suddenly we hear the patient coordinator calling out to us from down the hall.  He said he was really sorry but needed us to come back into the office for a minute.  He brought us into one of the exam rooms told as that he had made an embarrassing mistake.  After going over my paper work while we were walking out he noticed that I am on spironolactone and then light bulb went on.  He didn’t realize that I am trans and therefor wouldn’t need to get a mammogram.  WIN!  I thought that was  a pretty huge compliment on my “passability” given it came from an openly gay man living in San Fransisco who works in the office of a plastic surgeon who has done work on many transsexuals.  That kind of had me walking on air a bit for the rest of the day.

]]> http://deliats.com/blog/?feed=rss2&p=533 3 http://deliats.com/blog/?p=525 http://deliats.com/blog/?p=525#comments Thu, 06 May 2010 06:31:25 +0000 Delia http://deliats.com/blog/?p=525 Around November of 2009 I started to notice some pain in my penis when Trixie and I were having sex.  At first it seemed really intense and was especially painful when we would get into Trixie’s favorite position.   Initially I thought it was related to the hormones but I started inspecting and feeling around to see anything else was out of the ordinary.  All I found was a small bump at the base of my shaft that was about the size of a lentil.  I asked my doctor about it when I saw her in December and she didn’t know what it was and had never had any of her other patients on HRT complain about anything similar.  So she referred me to a urologist.

Since we don’t have insurance and have been really tight with money lately I decided to wait to see if there were any changes before going to a specialist.  Well, the pain began to lessen and the lump wasn’t getting any bigger and eventually it disappeared.  Then a few more lumps showed up which was kind of freaky but since the first one had disappeared I figured these might too.

A few weeks ago I noticed that one of them was starting to harden which really began to worry me so I did call the urologist and set up an appointment.  I had searched around the internet and hadn’t found anything that really fit the description of what was going on with my penis.  From all that I read though it didn’t sound like cancer.  But still, I was pretty concerned.

The night before my appointment Trixie and I were having sex (which we hadn’t had in quite awhile) and we were looking at my cock afterward and noticed a few little changes.  It did seem slightly smaller and the head seemed to pointing a little more downward than usual.  I think we both were attributing that to the hormones.  The next day we found out what the real culprit was.

After a rather uncomfortable waiting room experience involving a middle aged man in a wheelchair blatantly staring at us for like 5 minutes from about 4 feet away (Trixie thought he was staring at her while I thought he was staring at me, very unsettling) we got in to see the urologist.  She had me strip down and felt me up for a little bit.  Then told me that it was Peyronie’s disease and the hardening was scar tissue that had developed.  Apparently it can cause some pretty severe bends in the penis.  I’ve always had a bit of curve to the left so I think that made the added curving a little less noticeable.  There’s really little that can be done.  There is some anecdotal evidence that taking vitamin E helps.  The are also a few surgical options for more severe cases but nothing I would consider at this point.

Trixie discovered a traction device that basically stretches you penis out while keeping it straight.  I think I might try a penis pump.  If nothing else it will be good for a shoot.

I know these past 2 entries have not been the most uplifting or sexy – death and disease – hopefully things will be back on track soon and I’ll get back to some more sexier pornier entries . . . knock on wood.

She came into this world the day before Valentine’s day in 1995.  At the time I was saving up all I could to move from a small town in Michigan out to Washington State. I had a 1978 Volkswagon bus and was dumping money into to it to get it road worthy.  My girlfriend and I were kind of on shaky ground but she wanted out of there as much as I  so we decided to travel together regardless.   She thought it would be a good idea to have a dog to travel with and since we would be on the road for a few months we would have plenty of time to train it.  I was totally against the idea.

One day in late March of ‘95 she came to me with an add from the local newspaper for AKC Siberian Husky puppies: 6 weeks old, black and white, blue eyes, $200.  Somehow she convinced me to go with her,  “just to look” at the litter.

The kennel where the breeder lived was out in the sticks.  When we got there  he informed us that there was only one puppy left in the litter, a female.  Her mother had been deathly ill with something that was normally known as an equine disease.  She must have gotten it from one of the Arabian horses this guy was also breeding.  He informed us that the puppy was sick as well and had been weaned from her mom and hand fed early on.  She was also on some medication but he said it was her last dose and she appeared to be fully recovered.  Then he asked if we were still interested in seeing her.  I looked at my girlfriend and we both sort of nodded at the same time.

He brought her out nuzzled into the thick flannel of his chest.  And there, poking out was a set of the most piercing blue eyes I had ever seen on an animal.   She had a very clearly defined white 3 leaf clover pattern that grew from her stubby snout up between her eyes, these pointy bat-like velvet ears, and a white diamond on her nape.  The fur on her body was actually a little gray and a bit rough from poor nutrition, we later found out.

We both took turns trying to hold her as she squirmed around in our arms.  We asked if we could set her down and play with her a bit.  The man nodded with a slight hesitation.  We set her down, played for a few seconds, then she started to wander away, slowly at first, than as fast as her tiny legs would take her.  The chase was on!  Little did I know that it would be the first of many.

After we fished her out from under the van, we decided we really wanted to take her along with us, nurse her back to health and give her a happy home, wherever it ended up being.  We paid the man, he gave her the last of her medication and we were on our way.

Nico's First Home

At the time I was going through Velvet Underground phase and thought Nico would be the perfect name for this exotic looking creature.

Nico was kind of a crazy puppy.  She was an escape artist and could sneak out through the crack of a door.  While she knew what the command “come” meant, she would often blatantly disregard it.  I am also convinced that when she was on the lamb, hearing me call her name made her go deeper into cover.  I don’t know how many hours I spent scouring neighborhoods, forests, and coastlines for her furry little butt.  And just because you found her it didn’t mean you could catch her.  She could try your patience like no other.

Scrappy Puppy

She was an Alpha dog and didn’t mind mixing it up with dogs twice her size or half her size.

She had a love for all things stinky.  Our first week on the road she discovered bison poop in the Badlands.  She would find a wide variety of stinky things to roll around in here in the PNW: spawned out salmon ( one of her favorites), compost piles, bloated seal carcass, elk carcass, deer carcass, dead seagulls.  If it was dead and smelled rancid it was good for a roll.

Hoarding the chew sticks

Like all huskies she loved to run.  It was really a thing of beauty to see her clipping along at full stride.  In the woods or on the beach and especially if other dogs were involved in the chase.  Few could keep up with her for long except of course other huskies.

She was never a barker but had a unique way of “talking” to you that sounded a bit like Chewbacca.  She would use it to express joy, confusion, a pressing need (like wanting out), and even sorrow.  At some point in her last year she stopped talking and adopted a seal like bark and loud whine when she wanted in.

She had a fondness for poultry.  The first week in Washington we were staying with some friends who lived in a commune like setting off the grid with a community garden, a small pond with a few geese, and some chickens.  Like she often would, Nico snuck away from our friend’s cabin and before we knew it had killed two chickens and maimed a goose.  Needless to say she was banned from the property after that and we were stuck with the vet bill for the poor goose.

There were a few other instances involving chickens as well.  On her last day with us I took her for a walk around our neighborhood.  Someone down the road has a little coop with some chickens and a goose and put up a few benches so people can sit and enjoy them if they like.  So I sat with Nico and the chickens all came down, and the goose came down and Nico just sat and watched them.  The killer gleam in her eye had faded.  She didn’t pull on her leash, howl or whine.  She seemed at peace with the chickens almost as if she were making some kind of amends.  And even though the goose started hissing at her she just calmly looked it, then slowly and casually turned away and we continued on our walk.

The last few months have been difficult.  Some nerve damage in her spine had given her problems with her hind quarter and she would sort of drag her back paws as she walked, especially when she was tired.   She developed a way of loping along that reminded us of an old lady with a walker, taking several small steps with her front paws then dragging her back paws up.  She got into a habit of circling around our bed in the evenings, sometimes for hours before settling in.   She was getting confused and would end up in the closet or waiting to be let out at the bathroom door.

It was also hard for her to squat down and poop.  You can imagine how heart breaking it was to see her trying to squat down to poop, lose her balance, topple over then have to lay there on her side to finish her business.  Of course her tail and whole furry rear end became a mess and she would track it back into the house.    She had a few bad bouts with diarrhea which made it even harder to keep her and the house clean.  When I was cleaning up her last one on Saturday I noticed some blood and mucous discharge.  We decided then that it was time.

On Sunday we went for a very slow walk in the woods.  It was a little bitter sweet seeing all the fresh spring growth and blooms and Nico ambling along in her final days.

After visiting the chickens on Monday morning, we took another walk on the beach & hung out in the yard for most of the day.  Both Trixie and I were taking pictures of her.  I let her off her rope so she could wander around a little more freely in the yard.  I went inside for a minute to pee and heard Trixie yelling for help.  I looked out the front window and there was Nico making a final break for it.  Only she looked like an old lady trying to sprint with her walker.  I had a bit of a teary eyed laugh knowing that we had come full circle.

Making a break for it

She was pretty wiped out by the time the vet and her assistant got here.  They were very gentle with both her and us.  The whole process was peaceful yet emotionally charged.  Soon they were carrying her limp, lifeless body out the front door as Trixie and I hugged and wept.

It’s been a hard few days.  I keep thinking I hear her or turn a corner and expect to see her.  After taking care of her for this long I do feel a bit of a void in my life.  I know things will get better soon and I know I’m really going to enjoy a pet free existence for awhile.

I could write for days about all the adventures we had both good and bad.  But right now I am feeling a bit drained and in need of some sleep.  She was a great dog, a fine companion, a bitch and she will be missed.

Nico 04/13/1995 – 4/26/2010   **   Long may you run.

————

Be sure to check out Trixie’s blog for a little more pics and insight on Nico’s last few days – http://www.tastytrixie.com/aging/rip-nico-with-pics/

Delia's Prison - my body in 2004

I don’t think that I’ve ever really felt “trapped” in my body and I know that I’ll never be free from the body I inhabit in a corporeal sense.   I do feel like something  happened, wires got crossed, the wrong signals were sent at the wrong time which resulted in my gender being female and my body being that of a male.   And  now I  feel the need to change my body to match my gender in ways that society generally finds unacceptable.

**Note – I’ll leave the first part of the  phrase “Feel like a woman . . . ” for another discussion.

For me the feelings of dysphoria  really started kicking in about the time puberty hit.  I remember being jealous of other girls when their breasts started developing and they started to become more shapely.  I also recall being really bummed out when the other girls my age began to ostracize me from their groups as the binary line between boys and girls began to harden.

Testosterone takes no prisoners and it soon began to take it’s toll on me both physically and emotionally.  I started to feel more and more detached from my body.  It didn’t make sense to me.  I grew tall, bulky and uncoordinated.  I was already cross dressing in private and the clothes that I had no longer fit right.  My facial features started becoming more hard and chiseled.  My hair became darker and more coarse and facial hair started sprouting up.   Inside I still felt smaller but my body would constantly betray me and would move like a bigger person.  I could picture myself with soft feminine features and felt confused and at times depressed when confronted with the harsh reality of the mirror.

I often used drugs and alcohol to ease the dysphoria.  That’s not to say I didn’t use drugs and alcohol for recreational purposes as well or that I didn’t have some good times growing up. I always tried to make the most of things held on to the hope that things would get easier as I got older.

6 years ago, when I had the body of a 200 lb guy (see picture above) I remember feeling completely lost in my body.   It was as if the real me was in there under this thick layer of insulation.  I didn’t feel trapped in there but  more like I was hiding in there.  I had traded much of my happiness for a false sense of security.  I had a body that didn’t match my gender and for a long time I tried to twist and bend my gender to fit the body I was given mostly, out of fear.  Somehow I thought that was an easier way to live but the result was a lot of pain and suffering as well as a little regret.

After being on hormones for over a year and a half, I’ve slowly begun to experience a shift in the way my body feels and how I relate to it.  Things are finally starting to feel right to me.  Though I still have some of the upper body muscle bulk, some of it has begun to atrophy.  Even though I have a harder time lifting things I used to toss around with one hand or have a harder time opening a jar, it makes me happy to look down and see my leaner softer arms.

Almost 3 years of laser hair removal has knocked out the majority of the hairs on my face and neck.  The hormones have also had a subtle effect on my facial features and softened my skin.  But when I look in the mirror there are times when I still see the old me staring back and some of those feelings of sadness or depression creep back in.  That’s part of the reason I feel so strongly about having some facial feminization surgery.

I’m really looking forward to having my breast augmentation done.  It will be the first surgical step I have taken in my transition so I am a little nervous.  I can’t wait to be able to see them and feel them, for them to be a part of me.  I know that they will only be a few liquid filled sacs inserted into my chest  but I think it’s really going to change the way I feel about myself and relate to my body.    I know that surgery isn’t the answer to all my problems and that I will never have the female body that I feel I should have been born with.  But I am hopeful that making some  changes and modifications will make me feel more comfortable, more serene, and  more at home in this body.

If you haven’t figured it out already, I finally have the money to get my boobs done!!! I had been scraping and saving whatever I could for the last year and a half or so. Most of the money that I had earned from shooting with other companies has been put aside and friends and admirers have been really generous with donations.

When I first blogged about my desires for surgery and set up my chip in page for donations I didn’t really know what to expect. I had high hopes that a lot of people would make small donations in a short period of time and that would be that. At first I did get a few donations here and there peppered with a few larger ones. But it seemed like the donations slowed down and I would go months on end before anyone would hit it. I was starting to get really frustrated and a little depressed about the whole process.

Then about a week and a half ago I got an email that started out, “Delia – I don’t think you should change a thing – great ass, legs, cock & the best smile.” At first I thought here we go again, another anti-surgery rant from a misguided admirer. But as I continued to read I found out that this was someone who found me randomly online, really liked the pics of me that he saw, eventually found my blog and claimed that he wanted to offer financial assistance. “If you need real money and a friend call me (xxx) xxx-xxxx. . . Maybe when you call and I pay for your boob job I can tell you some of my ideas for shoots!”

I’m always leery of anyone that I don’t already know who wants me to call them or chat online without some proof of who they are or what their intentions are. I’ve wasted enough time over the years with people who are flakes or have ulterior motives/hidden agendas. Honestly I thought this was someone who was trying to sucker me into calling so they could get off telling me about “ideas for shoots”. So I wrote back to him and directed to him to my chip in page and suggested he start there. Past experience told me that I would probably never hear back from him. The following morning however I did hear back from him and he wanted to know what my real name was so he could send a check to me in the mail.

Okay first he wants me to call (so he would have my phone #) and now he wants my real name (we have a PO Box set up to keep our home address private). Hmmm . . . bright red stalker alerts were starting to flash in my mind. So I wrote back re-iterating my preference that he simply use the chip-in page or send a money order with the name left blank. Once again thinking I’d never hear anything back.

Later in the day, as I was fixing a few links here on my blog, I noticed a thousand bucks had been pumped into my chip-in fund. Holy shit! A thousand bucks! BONER! That’s the most money anyone has ever given me. So naturally I wrote back to thank him right away. It turns out that he had tried to put much more in and PayPal had limited him to one grand, fucking PayPal! His bank wouldn’t give him a money order with the name left blank either (Which is actually how I thought money orders worked until Trixie got one with no name sent to her a while ago. So I’m not sure how that works, maybe it just depends on who you purchase it from.). Obviously I felt a little more comfortable giving my real name out to him after that

He wrote back saying he was sending the rest of the funds and ended the email with “Smile baby, dreams do come true.” A few days later Trixie came back from the post office with special little envelope that contained an Easter card, a picture (not just a dick pic either) and a big fat check for 4 thousands bucks! Oh yeah, and a little note – “Now can you call me?” Lol.

So I’m still a little in shock about it all. I won’t say much about my sugar daddy because he does want to remain anonymous. From what I can gather though he is someone who is financially secure and wants to do something really nice for someone who he feels a connection to. Apparently my pictures brought him some joy when he was going through a rough patch and now he wants to return the favor. I’m kind of his little pet project. Every time he see’s my new boobs he’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that his money was a big chunk of what made it happen. At times I feel really aroused by the whole idea. Some mysterious man sending me money so I can finally get my boobs done. It’s actually kind of romantic.  At times I  feel so giddy about it, mostly though I just feel really lucky and grateful.  I’ve already told him this many times but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say it enough THANK YOU!

So the past week I’ve been looking around for good surgeons who do good work are comfortable working on transgender patients. I’ve seen so many before and after boob shots from so many surgeons that my head is spinning.  I have a feeling I’ll have to travel out of state to find the right person.  That makes things like consultations and follow up care a little more complicated.  I’m sure it will be totally worth it though.  Hehehehehe I cannot wait to get them done!!!

I’ve really been noticing a the how much meatier the back of my thighs and ass feels lately.  I think I have a pretty good balance right now of fat and muscle.

I hoping my ass will continue to grow . . . as well as my titties   They have still been a little sore lately so who knows.

I’m sure members have noticed this already but I wanted to make a quick mention about our spy cams. While I was down in LA we ended up losing our longest running and best spy cam feed. It’s kind of a bummer because that was the original site that Trixie was broadcasting on when we met. So there is some sentimental attachment there. Also they were the only spy cams with an audio feed. Not to worry though, we still have our feeds on two other sites and we are exploring other possibilities for future cams with audio.

It’s something that we were aware could happen, but we were hoping we could work something out to appease all the parties involved. So it wasn’t a huge surprise when I heard the news. Trixie wrote a lengthier post here if you are interested in further details.

I’ve also made a few changes on the existing spy cams that are in my office. They’re a little closer and tighter in on my face which makes me feel a little more self-conscious for some reason. I’m sure I’ll get over it soon though. I also moved the lighting around a little so that it’s a bit brighter. I think members will appreciate the changes.

Today was Trixie’s birthday. We didn’t do anything fancy, just a walk with the dog out in the woods and I made her a special birthday quiche, just the way she likes it. It really is starting to feel like spring out, though I have a feeling that it’s just a tease.