Usually after being on HRT for any length of time transsexual women will notice that erections start to become somewhat uncomfortable.  I don’t really notice it when I’m semi-erect, but as I get harder what I notice is that if I put any pressure on it, like pushing it from side to side, I get a rather sharp pain that extends past the base of my shaft and back towards my prostate. I’m not exactly sure of the physiology but I think it’s related to the suspensory ligaments and muscles.

I was really noticing it the last time Trixie and I were having sex.  She was on top of me and riding me pretty hard.  She also has a position that she loves where our legs are kind of scissored so she is humping me at an angle.  This causes my cock to curve to the side and hit her g-spot perfectly.  The pain from this combined with an urge to come was really intense.  I almost had to stop her at one point but I could tell she was getting close to an orgasm.   So I rode it out and we ended up coming at the same time which was made everything even more intense.

Another thing that I’ve been noticing lately is that I seem to stay erect or semi erect for a much longer time after cumming.  I’m not sure what the correlation is there if any.  But I notice that effect more after having sex than when masturbating.

I think this new development is going to force us to try out new positions sexually and revisit some old favorites.  Last night we did just that and I found that if I come first that the pain isn’t as bad and we can go back to Trixie’s favorite position if she still hasn’t gotten off.  So there’s going to be a bit of trial and error.   I’m sure people watching on our spy cams will welcome the break from our usual routine though.

For some reason YouTube always grabs the worst frames for my preview. I wish there was a way you could make your own preview pic. My voice sounds a little Micky Mouse-ish at times but it’s getting there. I’ve been trying to do at least a half an hour of vocal exercises everyday sometimes a bit more.

So after initially coming out to my parents they’ve had a little bit of a backlash. We’ve exchanged a few emails and I’ve talked to my mom a few times since coming out to them. They’re still in a bit of shock and denial I think. They’ve done a few annoying things like sending me Christian Science literature in a package with my boy name written in big letters and continuing to send email to my old address (which was also my boy name) instead of my new one (which they have and is also my new name). But overall I think it’s going really well and they’re even talking about flying out here next month for my birthday. I think once they actually see me and we get to spend some time together it will make things a little easier for them to comprehend.

I did make a little video for them just so they could have a better idea of how I look and sound these days. They haven’t said anything about it so I don’t even know if they’ve looked at it yet. Oh well, time will tell.

Starlight Schoolgirl Pics - Full set of 191 images now available in Members Area

Well we had a pretty good trip down to Portland last week. I was hoping to shoot again with Mandy but she was out of town (missed her by one day). I was also hoping to shoot with Krissy but she got sick and had to cancel. But I did get a clean bill of health from my Doc, which is the whole reason we were down there in the first place. We were also able to get caught up on some more solo content. We shot 3 videos and 4 picture sets, including the schoolgirl pics from above, while we were there. So we made pretty good use of our time.

Every time we’ve been down to Portland I always wish we had more time to just hang out and explore. I think we probably would have done a bit more of that but my back started acting up. It’s been feeling much better lately but I think walking around and standing on the hard concrete irritated it a bit. I think I also have a hard time relaxing when I know I could/should be doing work related things. It’s really hard for me to keep it all separated sometimes.

It corresponds with my last entry. They’re not quite as interesting without the visual on my naked budding breasts but if anyone wants to see the rest of them you can check out my YouTube Channel and subscribe if you like. But if you want to see my naked budding breasts you’ll have to sign up to my site

So I’ve been on hormones now for about 4 and a half months. I think I mentioned before that I do have a better overall sense of well being. I haven’t had any noticeable mood swings or overwhelming emotional responses to things but people keep telling me just wait, lol. One thing I have noticed though is that my orgasms are starting to become more intense. They seem to take a little longer to build up and come from a place a little deeper within me. When they hit it they seem to last a little longer. It’s kind of hard to describe but it is a slightly different sensation.

I finally quit going to the gym. It was just getting too weird for me. I felt strange in the locker with my little budding breasts. I know I would feel uncomfortable being in the women’s locker room this early in my transition. Plus most of the people there only knew me in “boy mode”. I felt like I was getting funny looks from people too. Like they weren’t quite sure if I was male or female. I know a few people there know that I’m trans and it’s a small town so it’s likely that even more people there know. I may still try to work something out with the owner but for now I’m kind of enjoying just getting some exercise here at home and being outside more.

I feel really good about having that last little “reason” for being in boy mode out of the way. It was really starting to weigh me down.

I’ll be doing a cam show tonight at 8:00 pm Pacific Time on Rude. Hope you can join me!!!

On the positive side there are 2 huge things that happened to me on a personal level that will make 2008 a benchmark of sorts. The first one being that I started on HRT (hormone replacement therapy). The second was that I finally came to grips with my alcoholism and started on a path to recovery by joining a 12 step program.

They say alcoholism is a progressive disease and the further along you are the more difficult it is to recover. Also that no amount of sobriety will ever “cure” you of alcoholism. These are a few of the things I had to learn the hard way. I am not very good at asking for help in most cases. Most of the time I feel like there is nothing that I can’t do on my own and by doing things without the help of someone else it somehow makes it all the more rewarding. Unfortunately I took the “go it alone” route when seeking sobriety, which didn’t work out so well. I white knuckled it for almost 6 months before falling back into my old patterns of drinking. I’m just thankful that Trixie was there to shove me in the right direction when I needed it the most. Sobriety for me is indeed a blessing and my life is becoming a much happier place because of it.

Starting on HRT was somewhat of a bitter sweet experience for me as well. After trying to conceive for over a year with Trixie we decided to give it a rest for awhile so that I could start on the next phase of my transition. I did however store up enough sperm over that period so that we could have children together someday if we ever choose to. It’s one of those things that may end up being a blessing in disguise in the long run. It was nonetheless a very frustrating process that was taking a toll on us physically, emotionally and financially.

One of the sad things I’ll always remember about 2008 was losing my grandmother. She was a an incredible lady who raised 11 kids in an old farmhouse out in the sticks basically all on her own. Somehow through it all she never lost her sense of humor. She was a kindhearted and gracious woman who possessed a quiet strength and down to earth wisdom that I’ve never seen in any other person I’ve met. She will always be an inspiration to me. She will be missed by many for years to come.

After all that has come to pass over the last year I am really looking forward to 2009. In some ways 2008 seemed a bit like a stale continuation of 2007. Towards the end of the year though I did sense a shift, like things were all starting to come together. Like the pieces were all starting to fall in place. A sense and belief that things are going to get significantly better in the days to come. In a lot of ways they already have gotten better so in 2009 I’m looking forward to more betterness!

I’ve also been having this strange sensation lately, like something is stirring inside me at an emotional level. I know it sounds a bit trite but I feel kind of like I’m just waking up after a long sleep or the fog is finally starting to lift. I’m starting to feel more in tune. Sometimes it seems like I can feel the estrogen moving through my veins and pulsing through my body. Kind of a faint tingling sensation that makes me feel like I’m more alive. I feel like my whole body is resonating at a higher frequency, where it should have been long ago. Like things are starting to sync up on a bunch of different levels.

When I first hit puberty and my body started cranking out the testosterone my brain was like WTF? It’s like somehow the wires got crossed and my brain started to function differently. Parts of my mind shut down. I became more socially isolated. My verbal communication skills began to dwindle. I began to lose touch with my feelings growing more and more emotionally numb. I spent less time with others and more time on my own. My whole outlook on life was apathetic. I knew something was wrong but I had no idea what it was or even how to express what it was that I was feeling.

I know that puberty is a really hard part of anyone’s life but for me it was especially hard. My parents could see it and were concerned enough to send me to a shrink. I only saw him a few times and never trusted him enough to talk to him about my crossdressing habits. I think I just thought he would blab to my parents and I would end up getting in trouble for it so I just told him what I thought he wanted to hear; just enough to get him off my back so I wouldn’t have to go see him any more.

When I first starting telling people that I had started HRT a few transsexual friends said “Welcome to second puberty”. I think in a large part this is like going through a second puberty. I also feel like the initial stage of it is wiping out some of the damage done by my first bout with puberty. Kind of like I’m reversing my male puberty while I’m starting my female puberty. So today I feel like I’m close to where those two intersect at some kind of hormonal crossroads. Like I’ve reached equilibrium between the amount of testostorone and estrogen in my body and now I’m ready for the second puberty to really kick in.

Of course there are other factors in my life right now that are contributing to this sense of overall well being. I quit drinking and started on a path of recovery from alcoholism at the same time I started on HRT. So sobriety has given me a new outlook on life as well. I also feel like I’ve been reconnecting and growing a bit spiritually which is another positive factor in my life. Overall though things just seem to heading in the right direction in my life for the first time in a very long time.

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2008 Tranny Awards

Something else exciting going on in my life is getting nominated for the 2008 Tranny Awards. I just wanted to thank all of you who went over and voted for me during the pre-nomintaions. I’m pretty excited and honored to be in the running for an award in the “Best TG Amateur Style Website” category. Here’s the rundown of the other nominees:

It’s a nice collection of sites. I was a little surprised to see some TS sites mixed in there when I first looked over the list, since they also have a “Best Solo TS Paysite or Paysite Operated by a TS” with the following sites nominated:

But they did include a asterisk with the following explanation:

* these sites were selected into this category and not the Solo TS Paysite either because the model wasn’t somebody who mainly worked as a “porn performer” or it’s a very personal website – most of the sites in the other category are aided by larger companies whereas the “Amateur Style” is also for models who run more of the website themselves.

Which does make sense since some of the solo TS models don’t actually have much input into there sites or the sites are run big production companies with fat budgets. But on the other hand a few of the sites in the “amateur style” category do have other companies doing design and promotion work for them and aren’t run completely by the models themselves. So I think they need to refine the parameters a little in the future to better define the categories. I think they are off to a pretty good start though, considering all the obstacles.

See all the Nominees at The Tranny Awards 2008

I feel like I’ve been really busy with things lately, some general “life” stuff and some business/website related stuff. One of the things I would like to improve on is taking a little time to blog about things as they happen or close to it. That way I don’t end up with one huge blog entry that takes longer to write. I’m more likely to leave things out or gloss over them if I have to sit down and blog for longer periods of time.

One of the cooler things that I’ve been up to lately is creating a video log for my members area. I’m calling it my trans vlog. It’s basically a way of creating a video documentation of my transition. I’ve done three entries now and it’s been a month since I started on the ‘mones. I originally wanted to do an entry every week but I want to keep it fresh and try not to let it to get too repetitive.

I decided to finally create a YouTube account to share some of the PG versions of my trans vlog with others and as yet another method of viral marketing. Yup, welcome to the new millennium. I had to cut out the nudity to conform to YouTube standards. So you don’t get see the growth of my nipples, areolas, and boobies unless you are a member.