DeliaTS~The Blog

Well it’s been a pretty eventful few days around here for me.  I definitely have a lot of things worth celebrating in life and many things to be thankful for.

Last Saturday the 22nd marked my first full year of HRT.  I actually started out on a fairly low dose and increased the dosage a few months later.  It is exciting though to be seeing and feeling some of the effects that hormones have had on me.  I know I’ve mentioned these before but things like the softening of my skin and hair (not only hair on my head but the rest of my body), the gradual shifting of fat that has taken place on my body and even on my face.  And of course the boobies!  I haven’t really gotten a lot of growth on my chest but there is enough that I can almost fill an A cup now.  They are also still pretty sore so I think may still get some more growth yet.  Emotionally I feel a little more at ease. I feel like it’s getting easier for me to let things flow out of me when they need to.   It’s not completely overboard,  I’m not bawling ever 10 mins or anything, but I have notice that I have a more emotional reaction to many things especially things that are “touching”.

Yesterday I finally got up the nerve to come out to my parents.  It’s something that I told myself I would do during my first year of HRT.  So at least I wasn’t too far off the mark.  They took it surprisingly well.  I had a long letter written out and I basically read it to them and they listened to the entire thing then we discussed it.  I know they were a little shocked but they were also very open and accepting.  I did get lucky in one way, it turns out one of my mom’s best friends when I was growing up also has a child that is transgender.  So they had some firsthand experience with someone close and actually have seen that it’s not the end of the world or anything.  The added bonus is that this person (who was 6 or 7 years younger than me) apparently is having a really successful transition and will be undergoing SRS soon.

I think my mom was having a little problem visualizing it so it might take her a little longer to let go of her old image of me.  I think once she actually sees me it will make things easier.   She kept asking questions about how I was presenting now and how I dressed.  She seemed a little dismayed when I told her that I had gotten rid of almost all of my boy clothes.  My mom, “So, can’t you just be a gay guy or something?” Me, “Ummmm, that’s not quite the way it works.” .  I then went on to explain the difference between sexuality and gender to her.  I’m sure it’s going to take awhile before it all sets in with them, but I think it’s off to a really good start.  I’m really glad that they have friends that have gone through it all as parents and will be able to offer them support as things progress.

The third and perhaps most significant of the the three is that today I am celebrating my first full year of sobriety.  It’s hard for me to convey what a huge impact this has had on my life.  I’m slowly learning how to let go of things in my life and embrace new ones.  I couldn’t have done it without the love and support of Trixie and the aid of other alcoholics & a 12-step program.  Though I haven’t worked all the steps I have definitely benefited from other people sharing their experience, strength and hope with me.  The most surprising aspect of recovery for me has been the development of a more spiritual way of living.  I’ve never been a religious person and doubt that I ever will be.  But I have come to believe that there is a power out there that is greater than myself – a spiritual realm if you will -  that I can only really liken to the Force.  So I guess in a sense my religion is Star Wars, lol.  May the force be with you!

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