Posts Tagged ‘hormones’

Last week I had another laser hair removal session on my face and neck. It was 2 years to the day since my first treatment. For some reason I thought I would be done and facial hair free by now. Usually I get a bit more reclusive right around the week before I am due for a laser treatment and the week following it. It’s funny how I let things like a little facial hair totally get to me. It can be a really frustrating experience though when you have been going to these little mini torture session every 6 weeks or so for a few years and you still haven’t gotten the results that you were hoping for. I know it really won’t be much longer but DAMN! This last session was probably the most painful one yet. Part of the reason is that he bumped up the settings this time. Also the hormones have definitely made me more sensitive to pain, especially the skin on my face. So now I have to wait about another week before it all clears up again. Then . . . the cycle continues.

As far as site news goes I’ve decided to finally close my crossdressing blog to new posts and begin exclusively posting here in my new blog. I’ll leave it up though in case anyone is interested in checking out the archives. I’ve also added links to the most recent newsletters that I’ve sent out to DeliaTS under the Recent Updates heading. This week and last weeks (has it really been that long?) updates were all about the pantyhose. With a 184 picture gallery and a 6+ minute solo video where I rip them open and cum through them. My pantyhose fans really have been enjoying them!

Tgirl Delia in her silk robe and pantyhose

I love seeing the different layers, colors, and textures in this picture.

I know that at least a few of my fans really enjoy sheer panties both on me and on themselves. I must admit I do love the seeing a soft or semi hard she cock clearly visible through a pair of sexy sheer panties. Here’s another little sample from this weeks members update.

I’ve been really good lately about getting my weekly updates done and posted consistently every Saturday. I’ve actually been starting to get ahead a bit on some of my content lately which means I should have time to work on a few other projects that I’ve been putting off for so long. I’m also looking forward to doing a few outside shoots some time soon now that the weather is a bit nicer.

In transition news, I got my lab results back from my last visit to the doctor. Both my testosterone and estradiol levels are now within normal female range. My testosterone is still a bit on the high side but I still haven’t had any real problems achieving or maintaining erections. Plus overall I’m pretty happy with the feminizing effects hormones are having on my body and mind. My breasts are still growing and are still pretty sore and get a little itchy sometimes. So I’m going to be continuing on my same dosage. I’ll re access things in about 6 months.

So I went to a new hairdresser this week because I wanted to find someone who knows how to cut curly hair a little better than the person that I had been going to. I’ve been procrastinating a bit on this because I was totally out to my old hairdresser. I always presented as a female when I went to her but she knows that I am a transsexual so there was never any of the awkward tension that I sometimes feel when I’m around people who don’t know that I am trans. I know it shouldn’t matter to me what people think and I should just be myself, do my thing and to hell with what anybody else thinks about it. But the truth is I still get hung up on whether I am “passable” or not in social settings and how people are perceiving me.

I’ve gotten to the point now where I can usually tell the moment someone clocks my T. There’s a certain look of recognition I notice in the eyes and face, followed by a shift in their demeanor and tone in their voice. The first few times it happened I think I let it really get to me. I would have a deer in the headlights type of reaction for a split second and then try to finish up whatever it was that I was doing and get out of where ever I was asap with as little eye contact as possible. It was an instinctual reaction that I felt at a gut level. At times I felt betrayed by my adrenal system. I could feel my heartbeat quicken and face get warmer as I slipped into flight or fight mode.

I know that reaction sends the wrong message to people. It tells them that I am ashamed or embarrassed by who I am, that I am doing something wrong and it probably reinforces a sense of moral superiority in some people. I’m starting to get over it though and slowly learning not to let it shake me or at least not to show it if it does.

So a few days ago I went to see my new hairdresser. I should mention that the woman that I was originally going to had her own shop where she was the only one doing hair. It was very much a one on one situation. The place that I’m going to now is more of a salon and day spa experience with multiple chairs, hooded hair dryers, a big washing and rinsing sink, the works.

Before I left for my appointment I was feeling confident in my overall appearance. I had a nice day look going on with my make up. I was wearing a tank top with a long sleeved shirt over it and a long skirt. Trixie convinced me to ditch the flats that I was wearing and go with my boots. I’m still a pretty self-conscious of my height and the boots add a few inches but definitely were a better match for the outfit.

In the parking lot I checked myself one more time in the rear view mirror before heading into the salon. On the way there a women stopped me on the street and asked me where a good place to get sea food was, so obviously I was looking friendly and approachable. Once inside I had to wait a few minutes for my stylist to finish up with a client. The receptionist offered me some coffee or water while I thumbed through some fashion magazines. I declined because I didn’t want to have to get up and pee right in the middle of everything. Finally my stylist was ready for me and lead me back to her chair after a friendly introduction.

Nice, I had a chair back by the corner window with a great view of the water. She put draped the cape over me and attached around my neck then asked me what I wanted to have done with my hair. I told her and after a brief discussion she got started. She spun me around in the chair so I was facing the mirror and that’s when my mind started in. I looked up and saw my big male face staring back at me. With my hair pulled back the overhead lights were glaring down on my thick arches of my brow bone. With the black cape pulled up around my neck my masculine jaw and chin seemed even more prominent. As the stylist started foiling in some color for my highlights we engaged in a little casual conversation but all I could think about was whether or not she had clocked me yet. I tried to relax and kept telling myself it didn’t matter but it was hard not to wonder.

The conversation continued. Something about boots – did I say cowBOY boots? I meant to say cowGIRL boots. Oh dear God she must know now. She spun me around so I was facing the rest of the room. Two other women were getting their hair done. I suddenly felt like all eyes were on me as they sized me up. Finally she spun me back around. A minute later someone burst into laughter. Obviously someone had cracked some kind of joke about me, I mean what other explanation could there be.

Finally the highlights were done and my hair was ready to be rinsed out. As I leaned back in the chair by the sink I felt my neck stretch out while my head tilted back. I swallowed once and felt my adam’s apple bobbing up and down. It must have been obvious to her at that point. I mean it was right there in her face. As I walked back over to the chair for my cut there was some chatting and giggling going on between the receptionist and another stylist. Again I was convinced that I was obviously the topic of their conversation.

She finished up with the cut and set my hair in nice curly style, all the while complimenting me on my beautiful ringlets. After sitting under the dryer for awhile I made my way back to the chair once again for the final inspection. She had done a great job and staring back at me in the mirror was my old feminine looking self once again. As I walked back up to the front to pay, one of the other stylists remarked on how beautiful my hair looked and even went so far as to say I looked like a model. I have a feeling they all knew that I was trans by the time I left but in the end it didn’t really matter. I had the cut and look I was hoping for, everyone was really nice to me and I now have someone who knows how to do my hair the way I like it rather than settling for someone who I was unsatisfied with.

I know I let some things get to me that I shouldn’t and I am starting to get better with it. I do think being on hormones has helped me feel more relaxed and confident. I still really want to have some facial surgery done soon though. I think it would do wonders for my self esteem. Until I can save up enough though I’ll just have to get by with what I have and keep working at it.

I’ve been making G rated versions of the Trans Vlog entries that I post in my members area for YouTube for quite awhile now. I’ve only posted a few here in my blog but here is the latest.

It corresponds with my last entry. They’re not quite as interesting without the visual on my naked budding breasts but if anyone wants to see the rest of them you can check out my YouTube Channel and subscribe if you like. But if you want to see my naked budding breasts you’ll have to sign up to my site

Last week I had yet another laser hair removal session done on my face and neck area. It’s pretty well cleared by now but there are still a few little stubborn spots that need a little extra attention. The place that I was going to originally closed their branch and the next closest one ended up being too far away, which sucks because I was suppose to get half off on follow up treatments with them. But I found another place near by that also does laser that opened up just after I started with mine. After going there once I wish I had been going there all along. They did an awesome job, treated me great AND charged only a fraction of what I had been paying. So I probably would be totally done with this by now and paid half or less of what I have had I been going there all along. Blarghhh!

So I’ve been on hormones now for about 4 and a half months. I think I mentioned before that I do have a better overall sense of well being. I haven’t had any noticeable mood swings or overwhelming emotional responses to things but people keep telling me just wait, lol. One thing I have noticed though is that my orgasms are starting to become more intense. They seem to take a little longer to build up and come from a place a little deeper within me. When they hit it they seem to last a little longer. It’s kind of hard to describe but it is a slightly different sensation.

I finally quit going to the gym. It was just getting too weird for me. I felt strange in the locker with my little budding breasts. I know I would feel uncomfortable being in the women’s locker room this early in my transition. Plus most of the people there only knew me in “boy mode”. I felt like I was getting funny looks from people too. Like they weren’t quite sure if I was male or female. I know a few people there know that I’m trans and it’s a small town so it’s likely that even more people there know. I may still try to work something out with the owner but for now I’m kind of enjoying just getting some exercise here at home and being outside more.

I feel really good about having that last little “reason” for being in boy mode out of the way. It was really starting to weigh me down.

I’ll be doing a cam show tonight at 8:00 pm Pacific Time on Rude. Hope you can join me!!!

Okay, 2008 the good, the bad, the ugly . . . maybe we’ll skip over the ugly for now.

On the positive side there are 2 huge things that happened to me on a personal level that will make 2008 a benchmark of sorts. The first one being that I started on HRT (hormone replacement therapy). The second was that I finally came to grips with my alcoholism and started on a path to recovery by joining a 12 step program.

They say alcoholism is a progressive disease and the further along you are the more difficult it is to recover. Also that no amount of sobriety will ever “cure” you of alcoholism. These are a few of the things I had to learn the hard way. I am not very good at asking for help in most cases. Most of the time I feel like there is nothing that I can’t do on my own and by doing things without the help of someone else it somehow makes it all the more rewarding. Unfortunately I took the “go it alone” route when seeking sobriety, which didn’t work out so well. I white knuckled it for almost 6 months before falling back into my old patterns of drinking. I’m just thankful that Trixie was there to shove me in the right direction when I needed it the most. Sobriety for me is indeed a blessing and my life is becoming a much happier place because of it.

Starting on HRT was somewhat of a bitter sweet experience for me as well. After trying to conceive for over a year with Trixie we decided to give it a rest for awhile so that I could start on the next phase of my transition. I did however store up enough sperm over that period so that we could have children together someday if we ever choose to. It’s one of those things that may end up being a blessing in disguise in the long run. It was nonetheless a very frustrating process that was taking a toll on us physically, emotionally and financially.

One of the sad things I’ll always remember about 2008 was losing my grandmother. She was a an incredible lady who raised 11 kids in an old farmhouse out in the sticks basically all on her own. Somehow through it all she never lost her sense of humor. She was a kindhearted and gracious woman who possessed a quiet strength and down to earth wisdom that I’ve never seen in any other person I’ve met. She will always be an inspiration to me. She will be missed by many for years to come.

After all that has come to pass over the last year I am really looking forward to 2009. In some ways 2008 seemed a bit like a stale continuation of 2007. Towards the end of the year though I did sense a shift, like things were all starting to come together. Like the pieces were all starting to fall in place. A sense and belief that things are going to get significantly better in the days to come. In a lot of ways they already have gotten better so in 2009 I’m looking forward to more betterness!